Most of us have grown up with traditional parenting styles where ‘parents know best’ and the hierarchy of rules and order fall into ‘obey or be punished’ tactics or perhaps benevolently masked as reward and praise.  Often if our behaviours didn’t meet their expectations, there would be yelling, shaming, and guilting; sometimes even spanking or worse.  This authoritarian style was based in fear and control.  As a child, I recall the fear more than I remember any positive feelings of being loved.

I have found myself in my parents’ shoes, yelling, shaming, and guilting my child in the name of loving them, worried about their health, education, or safety.  Does my son feel my love?  His behaviour worsened in retaliation to my traditional parenting reactions, and I was forced to awaken to a new way to see our children. I had to parent the child in front of me, seeing him for who he truly was, rather than force him into a mold of the child I fantasized having.

Conscious Parenting is a journey of finding connection by showing compassion and empathy for the behaviours that arise and identifying the needs not being met, not only in my child, but also in myself. It doesn’t use fear, punishment, or shame. Instead, it involves non-violent communication and the practice of mindfulness.  It brings the child into the process who learns from what we model for them.  These are the pivotal moments for us as parents to break the cycles of negative intergenerational patterns.

This deep inner work requires both courage to embrace vulnerability and a commitment to personal growth for the long-term gains.

It also takes a supportive community to remind us that we are not alone in the struggle.

Together we can break our cycles and connect more deeply not only with our children and partners, but most importantly with ourselves.