How my journey began
I had envisioned having the happy family I never had.
I worked hard to be the ‘perfect’ mother.
A Mirror of Inherited Pain
His eyes swell with angry tears, and his face flushes red with frustration. He finally lets go of the iPad and punches me as hard as he can. Reeling from the sting, I feel the urge to hit him back. Seething, I spit, "You're just like my mother!" Feeling the scorn, my eight-year-old son winds up to hit me again. I grab his wrist and push him away, fleeing to the bathroom.
Slamming the door, I slump to the cold tile floor, sobbing, shoulders shaking, barely breathing. My hot anger morphs into shame, overwhelming me with guilt and self-rejection. What kind of mother am I?
Time stands still as I hide in the locked bathroom, just as I did in my childhood running from my abusive mother. A small knock rouses me. "Mom? I'm sorry. Please come out."
When I open the door, I see my shame and guilt reflected in him.
All the podcasts, webinars, and books on Conscious Parenting I’ve studied for years fail me. Therapy, yoga, meditation — none of this self-care seems enough. What am I doing wrong?
An excerpt from my chapter in…
An excerpt from the foreword by Dr. Shefali…
“This wonderful book offers readers powerful tools for making the shift from reaction to response. This is no small feat. We all know what it feels like to lose our temper, to be overwhelmed by the chaos of daily life, to feel helpless in the face of a tantrum or power struggle. But in these very moments, we are given the opportunity to choose presence over reactivity. These pages guide us with wisdom and grace toward regulation, mindfulness, and emotional attunement—skills that not only change how we parent, but who we become as human beings.”
Find out what Conscious Parenting tools I learned and how I changed my family dynamic.
My 'mini-memoir' is a chapter in The Perfectly Imperfect Family, a collection of parenting stories, set for international release on May 8th.
Compiled by Happily Family founders Cecilia & Jason Hilkey, this book brings together parenting experts, coaches, and educators, with each concise chapter offering actionable strategies. It’s an honor to have the foreword written by renowned parenting expert Dr. Shefali, with whom I’ve trained at her Conscious Coaching Institute. Hailed by Oprah as 'revolutionary,' Dr. Shefali’s transformative approach to raising both our children and ourselves empowers us to connect with depth and purpose.
The Perfectly Imperfect Family provides practical wisdom on navigating today's toughest family challenges, including supporting neurodivergent children, fostering meaningful connections, and prioritizing parental well-being. With personal stories and evidence-based advice, this anthology helps parents embrace imperfection and equip their families to thrive in an increasingly complex world.
International Release date May 8th at 8am EST
For the first 24-48 hours, the e-book will be available for just $2.99 CAD — mark the date and stay tuned for a special link to grab this offer!
What Experts Are Saying About the Book…
-
“A potpourri of parenting pearls, this concise and compelling collection of conscious parenting tips is a treasure trove of wisdom for every parent! Each contributor offers their personal and professional insights into the heart of parenting well.”
Dr. Dan Siegel
New York Times bestselling author and co-author, Parenting from the Inside Out; Whole Brain Child; and Brainstorm
-
“Imagine sitting in a room with dozens of parenting experts, who all distill what they’ve learned into short, easy to digest nuggets of advice. This book offers busy parents a world of wisdom on a wide range of important topics, in a format they can actually use. I highly recommend it!”
Kristin Neff, PhD
New York Times bestselling author of Self-Compassion and Fierce Self-Compassion
-
“The Perfectly Imperfect Family is a treasure trove of real stories, practical wisdom, and heartfelt guidance for modern parents. These voices remind us that parenting well isn’t about perfection — it’s about presence, connection, and evolving alongside our growing Ones. This book is a steady, loving companion for anyone navigating the messy, meaningful work of family life."
Carrie Contey, PhD
Psychologist, Parenting Coach, Author
-
“In a time when parenting can feel like constant pressure and performance, this book brings us back to what matters most—connection over perfection. Through honest stories and insights from a wide range of professionals, it offers practical tools to support your mindset and your relationship with your kids. In true Happily Family style—led by our friends Cecilia and Jason—it leans into a “perfectly imperfect” approach, grounded in support, authenticity, and connection that everyone in the family can feel.”
Cathy and Todd Adams
Hosts of Zen Parenting Radio
-
"What a collection! My friends Cecilia and Jason Hilkey, superstars in their own right, have brought together a diverse array of voices including parenting experts and maybe more importantly, expert parents who have studied, researched, and lived through incredible challenges parenting and caregiving, to raise strong and thriving families. They offer experience, wisdom and validation for the rest of us, along with a dose humor and humility! Thank you for creating this incredible reminder, that our imperfections can be what make every family so special."
Christopher Willard, PhD
Author of Growing Up Mindful and Feelings are Like Farts!
-
"In The Perfectly Imperfect Family, there’s a collective wisdom that emerges from the diverse range of expert voices. It sings a resonant song of listening inward first to discover our own healing and growth. This intentional investment helps us become models of mindful living, knowing that our actions will teach far more than our words. In an achievement and social comparison world, these voices of care, love, and learning that necessitate imperfection are not only welcome but sorely needed."
Jennifer Miller, M.Ed.
Author, Confident Parents, Confident Kids; Raising Emotional Intelligence In Ourselves and Our Kids -- From Toddlers to Teenagers
-
"Sometimes we need the calming, grounding voice of a wise friend: to help us through our biggest challenges in parenting. This book is that voice. Read it and you’ll feel you’re not alone, that there are tried and tested ways of connection that can breach the toughest barriers in the parenting relationship. But I think the greatest of jewels inside this book is … the discovery that ultimately, your own healing is what makes the greatest difference in the parenting journey, for you and for your children."
Robin Grille
Psychologist, author of Parenting for a Peaceful World and Inner Child Journeys
-
"The Perfectly Imperfect Family is a real, practical, and relatable guide that reminds parents it's not about getting it all right—it's about building strong, connected relationships with your kids. Packed with insights from a multitude of experts and parents who get it, this book gives you the tools to handle parenting challenges with more confidence, clarity, and calm. A must-read for parents who want real solutions without the pressure of perfection."
Dr. Ann-Louise Lockhart, PsyD, ABPP
Pediatric psychologist, parent coach
Identifying Intergenerational Patterns of Trauma
Moving to Bali for two years, I was able to meet my mother’s siblings and many of my cousins. I listened to painful stories of their upbringing linked to their ancestral history shaped by colonialism, colonization and racism. Finally understanding my parents’ stories, I was able to find compassion and empathy to heal my childhood wounds of physical abuse and emotional neglect long after their deaths.
Dr.Shefali asked me to burn my shirt in Bali before I moved back to Vancouver. All the ancestral pain I had uncovered and learned from weighed heavily in my heart. She observed the deep sadness in my face as she worked with me to release it. I needed to leave my past behind me and live in the present. This is the shirt-burning ceremony with my son, husband and cousins a week before we departed Bali.
Everyone has a unique story worth telling.
Empathy and compassion grows from understanding our shared human experiences of not being seen, heard or valued.
To reciprocate the understanding and acceptance I sought from others, I have to understand and accept myself.
I’ve been thinking about writing my memoir for years and have shared my lived experiences in numerous workshops. Raising myself and owning my voice has been a healing journey as I now write my memoir:
Chasing Rainbows in the Dark:
The Illusion of Perfect Parenting from My Imperfect Childhood
“Family dysfunction rolls down from generation to generation, like a fire in the woods, taking down everything in its path until one person in one generation has the courage to turn and face the flames.
That person brings peace to their ancestors and spares the children that follow.”
— Terry Real, Author ‘I Don’t Want to Talk About It’